I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
