a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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