She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
im on a boat
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