Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
