"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
