I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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