no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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