I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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