Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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