I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
