I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
