I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
