I heard we made out
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
