Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
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He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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