the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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