She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
