does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
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No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you