I'm going to jail i love you
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit