So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I vomited out my contact lenses last night