and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.