Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
