physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
