somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
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