Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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