well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
