Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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