omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
