What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
