I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
