You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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