just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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