I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
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i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
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Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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