dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
