I'm pants shitting drunk right now
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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