I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
