i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
