Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
