Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
