that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
