She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
