Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
