Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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