I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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