Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
