If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
We have so much sex to catch up on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
