I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
