he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
