i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
