Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
