i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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