Yo dont text me then not text me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
