Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
