Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
