You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
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at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
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We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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