She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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