im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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