my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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