Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
