Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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