Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
