Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
