It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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