The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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