omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
