Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
