Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize