after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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