meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I have aggressive nipples.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
