eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
