I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
