he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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