No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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