did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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