I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
